Feb062010
Role Reversal
Mike picked up the ringing phone one day, and was surprised to hear his father, who had poor hearing and didn't like to use the phone:
uggs store
"Where is the $4,000 from my pick-up truck?"
ugg boots
Momentarily taken aback, Mike struggled to remember the source of the question. Ah, that's right. A few months back, Mike's mother had been gravely
worried about his father's driving. Suffering from moderate dementia, Mike's dad was a danger to himself and others on the road. Neighbors sometimes
saw him weaving and driving erratically. But when she tried to talk to him about not driving, Mike's dad would become uncharacteristically furious. It was
a big problem fraught with danger.
wholesale watches
Mike volunteered to be the "excuse." His father would do anything to help the family, and readily agreed to loan the truck to Mike, who lived about 100
miles away. In actuality, his mother simply parked the truck on the next block. With the truck out of sight, his father soon forgot about it. A few
months later, his mother used the opportunity to sell the vehicle to the gardener, and banked the money.
ugg boots
Then, in a moment of clarity, Mike's father remembered the truck. His wife, not wanting to spark a rage, simply said, "Mike sold it. Remember?"
ugg boots
Freedom, dignity, and safety: Are They competing interests?
Nothing conjures images of independence more than driving down the highway, unlimited horizons ahead. Teenagers thrive as they gradually acquire
new freedoms and responsibilities, none of which are more coveted than their driver license.
nike outlet
Unlike when we're in our teen years, there is usually no "authority" such as a parent or guardian to make the ultimate judgment of who is safe to drive
(see the sidebar on the facing page). Family caregivers face the unpleasant prospect of role reversal -- imposing their own opinions on an elder, who
maintains a position of respect in the family hierarchy. In addition, practical matters intrude. Who will do the shopping? Or drive to the doctor?
These are legitimate concerns. Ideally, your parent will "self-regulate" as they get older and -- with the help of loved ones -- make good decisions about
when to give up the keys. But, if they don't, how do you, as a family, know when the time has come?
The DMV might revoke a senior's license if:
There are tickets, accidents, or health problems
Police and/or a doctor notify the DMV
The DMV issues a notice to appear in person to take the written test and/or the driving test.
Facts:
About 5 percent of seniors will give up driving rather than take a DMV test.
More than 75 percent of seniors fail the written test one or more times.
Nearly 20 percent fail the driving test because they no longer have safe driving skills.
Tips
Every situation is different and calls for an individual approach. When initiating a family caregiver discussion, there are, however, common elements to
consider:
Don't wait -- It is never too early to start talking and brainstorming. Waiting makes things more difficult and dangerous.
Combine subjects -- There are many important areas where it's important to plan in advance, including legal, financial, and medical matters. Put it all on
the table together.
Consider the situation -- Never blame or point the finger. Describe the circumstance. Given the dangers (to self and others), ask the older driver for
input.
Appeal to reason -- Most adults, given declines in physical or mental acuity, will admit they do not want to endanger the lives of others, especially
children.
Get help -- Enlist others in the cause. Doctors, neighbors, and friends may all have input that will help in the decision-making.
Consult experts -- Look for a senior driving course. (The list of resources at the end of this article is a good place to start.)
Consider the costs -- How much does it cost to drive? By comparing costs, public transportation, cabs, or even limousines may look more attractive! Total
the cost of the car, maintenance, insurance, gas, oil changes, yearly DMV fees, and car washes.
Offer help -- Offer to visit and give your loved one a ride whenever possible. It is a great opportunity to reconnect, spend time together, and may
"return the favor" for shuttling you around when you were a kid.
Mike picked up the ringing phone one day, and was surprised to hear his father, who had poor hearing and didn't like to use the phone:
uggs store
"Where is the $4,000 from my pick-up truck?"
ugg boots
Momentarily taken aback, Mike struggled to remember the source of the question. Ah, that's right. A few months back, Mike's mother had been gravely
worried about his father's driving. Suffering from moderate dementia, Mike's dad was a danger to himself and others on the road. Neighbors sometimes
saw him weaving and driving erratically. But when she tried to talk to him about not driving, Mike's dad would become uncharacteristically furious. It was
a big problem fraught with danger.
wholesale watches
Mike volunteered to be the "excuse." His father would do anything to help the family, and readily agreed to loan the truck to Mike, who lived about 100
miles away. In actuality, his mother simply parked the truck on the next block. With the truck out of sight, his father soon forgot about it. A few
months later, his mother used the opportunity to sell the vehicle to the gardener, and banked the money.
ugg boots
Then, in a moment of clarity, Mike's father remembered the truck. His wife, not wanting to spark a rage, simply said, "Mike sold it. Remember?"
ugg boots
Freedom, dignity, and safety: Are They competing interests?
Nothing conjures images of independence more than driving down the highway, unlimited horizons ahead. Teenagers thrive as they gradually acquire
new freedoms and responsibilities, none of which are more coveted than their driver license.
nike outlet
Unlike when we're in our teen years, there is usually no "authority" such as a parent or guardian to make the ultimate judgment of who is safe to drive
(see the sidebar on the facing page). Family caregivers face the unpleasant prospect of role reversal -- imposing their own opinions on an elder, who
maintains a position of respect in the family hierarchy. In addition, practical matters intrude. Who will do the shopping? Or drive to the doctor?
These are legitimate concerns. Ideally, your parent will "self-regulate" as they get older and -- with the help of loved ones -- make good decisions about
when to give up the keys. But, if they don't, how do you, as a family, know when the time has come?
The DMV might revoke a senior's license if:
There are tickets, accidents, or health problems
Police and/or a doctor notify the DMV
The DMV issues a notice to appear in person to take the written test and/or the driving test.
Facts:
About 5 percent of seniors will give up driving rather than take a DMV test.
More than 75 percent of seniors fail the written test one or more times.
Nearly 20 percent fail the driving test because they no longer have safe driving skills.
Tips
Every situation is different and calls for an individual approach. When initiating a family caregiver discussion, there are, however, common elements to
consider:
Don't wait -- It is never too early to start talking and brainstorming. Waiting makes things more difficult and dangerous.
Combine subjects -- There are many important areas where it's important to plan in advance, including legal, financial, and medical matters. Put it all on
the table together.
Consider the situation -- Never blame or point the finger. Describe the circumstance. Given the dangers (to self and others), ask the older driver for
input.
Appeal to reason -- Most adults, given declines in physical or mental acuity, will admit they do not want to endanger the lives of others, especially
children.
Get help -- Enlist others in the cause. Doctors, neighbors, and friends may all have input that will help in the decision-making.
Consult experts -- Look for a senior driving course. (The list of resources at the end of this article is a good place to start.)
Consider the costs -- How much does it cost to drive? By comparing costs, public transportation, cabs, or even limousines may look more attractive! Total
the cost of the car, maintenance, insurance, gas, oil changes, yearly DMV fees, and car washes.
Offer help -- Offer to visit and give your loved one a ride whenever possible. It is a great opportunity to reconnect, spend time together, and may
"return the favor" for shuttling you around when you were a kid.
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